Being Alive
by DreamerOfWorldss
Summary: She had everything a person could possibly want- the looks, the brains, money, loving family, friends.. 'Impossible' was not a word in her vocabulary. She lived the good life.    So what else could she possibly still want?    Easy.    She wanted out.


**Hello everyone! Wow, it's been WAY too long since I last wrote or updated anything… sorry!=p I'm really busy and don't really have any inspiration. But today I read a summary which gave me an idea for a story (didn't read the fanfic yet, but I know it is definitely different from what I just wrote) so I simply HAD to write it! Hope you will like!**

**Full Genres:**Drama, Hurt/Comfort(?), Romance, a little bit of angst, and maybe Friendship? Hmm…XD

**Enjoy=]**

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**Being Alive-**

She had everything a person could possibly want- the looks, the brains, money, loving family, friends… 'Impossible' was not a word in her vocabulary. She lived the good life.

So what else could she possibly still want?

Easy.

She wanted out.

She wanted to die…

_I distrust people. Don't ask me why, because I have no real reason for my strange view of 'life'. It wasn't always like that._

_No, it wasn't some tragic occurrence or broken heart which turned me like that. If I had to give a reason, I guess I could just say I 'saw' the true face of our world for the first time when I was too young to face and accept it._

_Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Some might think I'm just acting like a hypocritical wannabe-saint, since I've never experienced hunger or was neglected or deprived of love and support and attention- but that's the only answer I can give._

_I'm a good actor, though, and only very seldom and to a very small number of people have I ever allowed a glimpse of what I really think and feel._

_But holding all the depression and disgust of the things we humans are capable of made me sink even deeper into this hopeless way of thinking- thinking about how small and meaningless each person's existence is._

_And if there is no meaning, then why should I even bother?_

_At the beginning I sank into a 'live the moment' kind of lifestyle. I did whatever I wanted- party, traveled, extreme sports- I did it all._

_But I'm seventeen now, and everything seem to have lost its appeal._

_I just don't care anymore._

_All that left is for me to plan how and when to put an end to my hollow life. It sounds so cold writing these things this way, but that's how it is; I'm not angry, or suffering, or desperate; I'm just tired._

_So its time to go to sleep._

_And never open my eyes again._

_Sorry, mom, dad. Sorry for being such a selfish person, but I really just can't take it anymore, and it will be easier for us all if I'll just end it now._

_Goodbye. _

_And please forgive me._

_xxx_

Mikan Sakura let her hair down and closed her eyes, letting the cool, calming wind play with her heavy tresses and smiled slightly.

She was standing on top of a cliff above the ocean- one of her favorite spots, and only half a mile from her family's summer house. She was always attracted to heights, and she always liked the ocean with its beautiful sunsets and stormy, wild waves; it was only appropriate that her last moments would be spent in a place of untamed beauty.

She spread her arms wide to the sides and leaned slightly forward. It felt almost like she was flying. The wind coming up from beneath pushed her back, and for a moment, she was suspended between sky and land. Then she eased back. She wasn't in hurry, nor was she afraid- she was only waiting for the perfect moment of sunrise. Then she would swallow the sleeping pills and wait for them to take effect. She will stand, waiting for deathly sleep to take over her body, and fall forward. She won't feel anything- no pain, no regret, no fear.

And her last memory will be of the feeling that she was flying free.

Breathing deeply the salty, refreshing sea air, she opened her eyes and smiled when she noticed the changes in the sky's color.

"Hey!" she blinked and frowned. Who was disturbing her peace?

"Hey, you! What the hell do you think you're doing?" the rude, unfamiliar male voice invaded the silence again.

Mikan turned around… and her eyes locked with a pair of deep, blood-red eyes. Blinking again, she spoke before she could stop herself. "You have such beautiful eyes!" then she covered her mouth with her hand, surprised just as much as the unfamiliar boy standing a few feet from her.

"Whatever." He snorted. "Now mind telling me what are you doing here?"

"None of you business." Mikan answered calmly, getting over her first reaction at the unexpected intrusion.

He didn't seem affected by her cold tone or angry stare. Instead, he took a few more steps forward. "Are you going to do something stupid?" he asked, sounding as if he asked her about the weather.

"No. And that's close enough."

"Ah, shame. Never seen anyone cliff diving into sand before." He remarked lightly and sat down.

She stared at him. Was he a mental case? What was he doing there? And who _was_ he? Ah, well, what-fucking-ever. It won't matter in a few more minutes anyway.

"You've got some serious problems, whoever you are."

He smirked. "How did you ever guess?" he rubbed his band-covered wrist absently. She didn't thought he was aware of the act.

"Cutter?" she blurted out suddenly, then wanted to smack herself. Who the hell ask people something like that? It was none of her business, anyway.

"What?" he asked confused. She indicated weakly toward his wrist. He stared at it for a moment, then back at her.

"Not everyone is tired of living, even if you are,"

"I'm sorr-"

"Or so I've been told once. But as it is, I happen to be one of those who does," he shrugged. "Takes one to know one, right?"

Mikan gaped at him before catching herself. "You are weird," she pointed out- and started to giggle. His soft, quiet chuckle joined her after a few seconds, and her muffled amusement at the unusual situation turned into an uncontrolled full-out laugh.

Mikan wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and tried to get over herself. "So, is that the part where you either try to stop me or offer to join me?"

He seemed to ponder on her question for a moment. "As much as the thought is tempting, I'm more into cutting then jumping, if you get me," another laugh, "no, I think I might just sit here and wait on you- you know, so your last moment won't be so terribly miserable and lonely and all that," a thin smile graced his lips, and she thought that it suited him very much- though somehow, she felt that he didn't often done it.

She bit her lips. As much as the strange meeting turned out to be actually amusing, she didn't count on audience.

"Hello, are you still with me? Or are you already gone to the next world or whatever comes after all this shit is over and done with?"

She glared at him. "Shut up. And, if you don't mind, I'd like you to leave."

"Why? It won't matter to you in a few anyway." His black hair caught the first rays of light, causing him to appear as if glowing from within in an otherworldly light.

She tsaked, annoyed. "Look, I don't have time for that. Would you _please_ go?"

Crimson eyes held her hazel ones captivated for a long moment. "Love, if you were serious about the whole thing, my presence here wouldn't have mattered to you."

She hissed and clenched her hands into fists. "What would _you_ know?"

He raised a dark eyebrow with a mocking smirk, waving the hand with the wristband meaningfully.

"Believe me, I know. Now, love, here is what I think: you look like some spoiled rich girl with perfect life whose pink glasses suddenly broke, and had found out that the world isn't all flowers and unicorns, and so decided that a failed attempt to kill herself would make her the center of attention or what-fucking-ever it is you try to achieve-"

"I do _not_ think the world is all flowers and unicorns! And just for the record- I _hate_ pink!"

"No one is recording, so no need for footnotes. Anyway-"

"And you are wrong! I have every intention of dyi-" but the word died before leaving her lips. Was that _really_ what she wanted? Has she honestly thought it through?

The strange boy nodded, satisfied at her troubled, uncertain expression.

"That's what I thought." He got up slowly, gracefully. "Let me tell you something: even if it doesn't look like that at the moment, there is always something for you to keep living for- you just need to find it."

"Oh? Was it your psychiatrist who told you that?" Mikan asked nastily in an attempt to hide her frustration which threatened to bring tears to her eyes. She felt stupid and embarrassed- two of her most hated feelings.

The smile on the crimson-eyed boy's face- who now stood right in front of her- was genuine, if a bit sad. "No. That was my mother, actually." They looked at each other in the eye, and Mikan noted absently that they were of similar height. She chewed on her lower lip, studying his expression.

"Why did you come here at such hour?"

He never averted his gaze while answering, "To put an end to a meaningless existence- or so I thought."

"And now?"

"Now? Now I think I came here to find the answer to a question that haunted me for the past year."

"And what would that be?"

He tilted his head slightly to one side, and the brilliance of the sunrise reflected in his blood-red eyes. _We are looking at the mirror of our selves_, Mikan thought absently, _and the reflection isn't so bad after all._

The stranger whose name she didn't know bent slightly forward and touched his lips gently to hers. Mikan automatically closed her eyes and savored the contact. There was nothing romantic or passionate about this butterfly-touch of lips, just the warm promise of being alive, and finally truly appreciating the fact.

The raven-haired boy eased back and opened his eyes slowly, looking deeply and unwaveringly at the twin pools of bright hazel. Mikan smiled- a real, from the heart, smile. It felt good.

"You should go now." He whispered, breaking the spell holding them both rooted to their place.

"So should you."

He nodded. She opened her mouth to say something more, but he gently sealed her lips with a finger. "I will see you, then." and with that he turned and left.

Mikan turned and looked at the rising sun for a few more moments. Dawn never looked so bright in her eyes as it looked at the moment.

_Yeah. Even if we don't know each other's names, I guess we will._

Smiling, she pulled the sleeping pills from her pocket and threw them from the edge of the cliff.

_xxx_

_It's been two and half years since that day when a strange boy whose name I never found out gave me a reason to live. I decided to become a person who, someday, will be able to make a change, so I'm currently studying politics, and am helping my parents with their different charity activities. As a hobby, so I can sometimes forget everything and just _be_, I learned to flight, and every once in a while I'm taking our family's jet and just flying, far from everything and everyone._

_I never forgot that fated day when two people who found no more reason to keep on living met and pulled each other back on their feet- or so I hope._

_I'm going to visit Ruka and Hotaru today. They are my best friends and are the only people- aside from a crimson-eyed boy- who know of my fears and most inner feelings. They don't judge me- although Hotaru _did_ threat to beat me up if I ever consider killing myself again- and are always there for me. They moved in together now- living in a penthouse after two years of steadily dating. Ruka asked me to come by today- said there is someone who he wants me to meet._

_So now I'm standing just outside their door, and I can almost smell the sea air and hear the waves of the ocean outside._

_It feels strangely encouraging and nostalgic._

_xxx_

"Ah, Mikan! You're finally here! How was your last flight?"

"As smooth as ever, of course." I answered in an intended arrogance, hugging the smiling blond man who returned the hug warmly. "I haven't seen you guys for too long! How are things going?"

"All is good. Though I wonder for how long Hotaru and I can keep it up," he made a face and I laughed openly at the pretended anguish on his face.

"I heard that!" Hotaru's voice sounded from the living-room.

Ruka rolled his eyes and muttered something to himself.

"So, is Hotaru pregnant already? When is the wedding? You better make me the godmother!" I teased the blue-eyed man who started coughing.

"Mikan!" Hotaru hugged me when we finally entered the living-room. "Your hair is longer," she noted after looking me over.

I laughed. "Did I pass the examination? Good, I'm _starving_!" I looked greedily at the table in the small kitchen from where divine scents of food made my mouth water.

"You're always hungry, you pig," Hotaru slapped my hand away when I made as to grab some random dish to nibble on. Hey, it's been, like, half a day since I last ate!

I pouted at her and gave her my best puppy-eye look. "Ho-ta-ru! Meanieeee!" I called childishly. Somewhere behind me I could hear Ruka struggling not to burst out laughing. Hotaru gave me an icy look, but gave in at the end.

"Okay, you can take something for now," she sighed. "We wouldn't want you to die from hunger before that devil has arrived," she commented dryly.

I licked my lips and was quick to take something before she regrets it. Just after stuffing my mouth did I comprehend what she'd said. "What devil? Hey, you two, just who is it you want me to meet, if you already mentioned him?"

"He is a childhood friend of mine whom I haven't seen for years. About three years ago- after his mother passed away from illness- he and his sister visited my family and I for a few days. He was quite a wreck at the time, really. But he is better now, and I wanted you two to meet, since he happens to be traveling a lot too- he is a photographer- and he called me a week ago to say there is something he needs to do here anyway, so we should meet."

"Okay…" I frowned, not sure why he ws telling me that but sure that there was something he was keeping from me.

Knocking sounded on the door.

"Oh! It must be Natsume! Mikan, mind opening the door?" Hotaru pushed me from the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

"Wha?" confused, I obeyed. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming! No need to be so impatient!" I called irritated as I opened the door- and froze in my place.

Before me was a young man, half a head taller than me, with messy raven-hair and the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen. Crimson eyes.

"You-!"

Then the blank expression on his face changed, and he was smirking at me. "Really now, you shouldn't be so irritable, love. I hear its bad for the nerves." I couldn't utter a word. At least I wasn't gaping anymore. "What, speechless in front of my dazzling appearance? Don't worry, I get that a lot."

I blinked and then glared at him. "You- you- insufferable-!" but the rest of my sentence was lost as _Natsume_- or 'that devil' as Hotaru called him- and rightly so!- pressed his lips to mine. I could taste coffee in his mouth as my lips parted without my permission to let him deepen the kiss.

"Mmm, I missed that reaction," he whispered against my ear, and suddenly he was hugging me. I returned the hug, still too dazed and out of it to fully understand what was happening.

"So, _Mikan_, now I know why Ruka insisted on me coming today of all days," he held me at arm's length and watched my face for a long moment.

"Oh? I thought you were the one who told Ruka you were coming today," I said.

"That would sound like planning. I never make plans." He gave me a half-smile.

"_Really_? I would have never guessed," I murmured. He laughed quietly. I bit my lip, still can't really believe I was meeting him here of all places.

"But," his smile disappeared and was replaced by a serious look, "when I _do_ make plans- or promises- they are always fulfilled."

I raised an eyebrow and smiled. "I do, actually, remember you saying you will 'see me later'. You sure took your sweet time, though."

"There is no need to hurry; after all, we have all the time in world." Natsume's finger caressed my cheek in a butterfly-touch.

I smiled and put me hand over his, looking up at him.

_Yes, we have all the time we want._

_That's the meaning of being alive._

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**So people, I would reeaallly love to hear what you thought about this story! I think it's possible to indentify with Mikan (and you?XD) I just hope the change of heart I made her go through wasn't **_**too**_** sudden…(well, it **_**is**_** a one-shot…) So, pretty please, **review **and tell me your thoughts!**

**Also, I got requests (in both words and adding the story to a lot of Alert lists) to write a sequel. Should I? Hmm... I'll think about it.**

**English is not my native language and I didn't go over it, so if you see any mistakes, tell me!

**Love lots,**

****Evermore****


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